so, i’ve tried a few different beers in my life (thanks cAb!)…i think i can generally distinguish a good beer from a bad beer, and i can pretty much tell when someone else is full of shit and wouldn’t know good beer if it hit them upside the head (hello, guy who orders amber bock and thinks they are sophisticated! (side note: i do like amber bock, but i definitely don’t feel special ordering it))…anyway, this is leading to a story, i promise

a few weeks ago, nicole and i decided to go to Trostel’s Dish, a highly-recommended new tapas place in Clive…unfortunately, since it is new and in WestDesWaClivenDale (thanks Derek), it is filled with the douchebag maximus…most of them are the couples who dropped their kids off at grandma’s for the night, and dad is the all-black wearing, shaved head, pretentious son-of-a-bitch, while mom is more of the bad-dye job blonde, wearing glasses because they make me look smarter not because i need them, SUV-driving uptight bitch…they probably hate us, with our no kids and clothes from target, gap or old navy…anyway, i got off topic there talking about the class wars in west des moines…my point was, a whole ton of douchebags hang out there right now…

so, we finally get seated and start eating the incredible food…i’m totally enjoying my night, until i realize there is a whole table full of 40+, freshly divorced, horny-as-fuck businessmen and their dates right in front of us…now normally this would just pass as regular behavior in WestDesWaClivenDale, but i heard this guy trying to impress his date by talking about beer…i don’t consider myself any sort of expert in beer, but as i mentioned already, this ain’t my first time at the rodeo, cowboy!

first thing i notice, the guy is drinking a heineken…i immediately leaned over to nicole and was like “DOUCHEBAG!”…haha, heineken sucks royally…it wouldn’t have been so bad, but the guy was totally like “i don’t drink bud light or any of that domestic shit, i like a good imported lager”…holy fuck, you just got crowned king of the douches, buddy! don’t sit there and drink that green bottle and try to act like you are Marco Fucking Polo…you are drinking a shitty beer from holland, that is advertised on tv every 5 minutes, featuring people who look exactly like you and talk just like you do, that you ordered from a bar in iowa…its not like you took a boat to holland and picked up a case, then i might actually be impressed…dammit

i just got crowned king of the beer snobs, but i’m totally ok with it, cause i’m better than you